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Thursday, March 23, 2017


Over the years, I've seen this scenario play out many times.  An infertile couple decides to discontinue fertility treatments and completes the adoption process (sometimes adopting two children over a number of years).  Then, out of nowhere, they get pregnant.  They're happy right?  Well, not always.  This can cause some mixed feelings.  Raising children is a very life consuming job...whether you've been infertile or not.  One of my daughter's friends has an adopted sister, but they are both the same age.  I've never wanted to pry, but this appears to be a couple who started the adoption process and then got pregnant.  
I think people don't always realize that fertility is a fleeting thing.  Sometimes, the orchestration of events that leads to pregnancy involves not only luck, but the right body chemistry that comes about in ways related to lifestyle, sleep, diet and so on. 
Here is the article about a 42 year old woman who gets pregnant by surprise:



I finally screw up the courage to see my gynecologist, a lovely, warm Italian woman, who saw me through the infertility treatments. She's ecstatic and can't contain herself: "This is a miracle! Let's drink champagne!"
I sob uncontrollably in her office, feeling guilty that I can't share even a tiny bit of her joy.
At times, I know what my doctor means. Miracle or not, there is a strong sense of fate here. And I don't want to mess with fate. I'm a religious person and believe that God has a plan, and it usually works out if we just ride with it. In rare moments I can imagine this will all be okay, that I'll be able to handle three children and even like it. But most of the time I want to scream, What kind of sick joke is God playing on me? I'm a weary mother of two with a high-pressure job and a house that's falling apart! I can't raise another child.
And what about my two gorgeous, hilarious girls, the lights of my life? Roma, who is 5, is just beginning to understand adoption and has heartbreaking talks with me. They go something like this:
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"Mommy, I didn't grow in your belly, did I?"
"No, you didn't, sweetie."
"But I wish I had grown in your belly."
"I wish you had, too."
"How come I didn't grow in your belly?"
"Well, I guess God just didn't want it that way. Sometimes women can't grow babies in their tummies and so they adopt."
What do I tell her now? God changed his mind? (Evidently he did.)


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