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Tuesday, December 24, 2013

INFERTILITY STILL HURTS EVEN AFTER HAVING A BABY

Pregnancy Over 40, Infertility Over 40, Many Of Us Endure Insensitive Remarks

First, let me say we're so happy with one child, we never even considered another. 
Even so, I'm still a little sensitive about the subject of getting pregnant.

 With the holidays here, many of us see relatives and have to endure probing questions and/or comments about family life. Well...here's an example. I have a relative (about 12 years younger) who told me she and her husband are trying to have another baby. It only took 3 months of trying for her first one (something she's announced numerous times in my presence - even though she knows it took me six years)...all that aside...when she told me that they we're trying, she said that she didn't want anyone to know in case it took a while --I guess she didn't want me to pass her the baton as the one in the family who can't get pregnant....(okay, I got pregnant, but you know what I mean.) I wonder what it would be like to actually plan how far apart you wanted your children...and then actually have them!

She then goes on to say how her mother in law was planning to take her sons and their families on a European vacation in the next year. But she and her husband had to decline because she was going to be pregnant. Wow...what confidence...I never had that luxury...When I was TTC, we planned many vacations
(and took every one of them)

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See: www.getpregnantover40.com for more on getting pregnant over 40
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Oh--I thought I was past all of this (or maybe above it)...but it just goes to show you that years of infertility and recurrent miscarriage really hurt and your self esteem and rationality are a little shaky when it comes to the subject of pregnancy. I really do wish my relative the best...but in my weak moments I think...If it took her a year or so to get pregnant, maybe she'd have a small inkling of what I went through to have my daughter...and it might put an end to a few insensitive remarks I must endure from time to time. For the most part, I've moved on from the pain of those six years - but I also realize there will always be a piece of me that remembers the frustration, jealousy, and shame for the negative thoughts that creep up from time to time.

Even if I didn't have my daughter, I never take anything for granted anymore.

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